By: James Thoo
If you haven’t managed to catch the hit TV show ‘Dexter’ yet then you really should because it is fantastic. To get you up to speed, he’s a cool (if not very weird and messed up) guy who realized at a young age that he had a proclivity for murdering people. Fortunately he was raised by a cop, who taught him how to cover his tracks and better yet, channel his urges towards criminals and evil people in general.
The problem with the show though, is that the writers have to come up with villains for him to kill. And there are plenty of people doing wrong via murder, theft, or generally annoying the hell out of me on plenty of other television shows. So why not take this resource and transplant him into other programs where he is needed (vitally)? You see, the worst thing about Dexter is that he is only on one TV show. He should be on all of the TV shows!
‘Game of Thrones’
Target: King Joffrey
This one is downright obvious. I actually don’t enjoy this show at all but I still watch every episode because I just wait for the day that someone decapitates this kid with an axe or something. I really hope it’s his wife that does it but seriously, I would settle for anyone. I wouldn’t even mind if he was just walking along the castle garrison and he slipped and fell onto a shelved sword and impaled himself. As long as I get to see him die.
But of course, that’s never going to happen so why not send in Dexter? These clowns can’t even figure out which of the dead fat king’s sons are legitimate so Dexter with his meticulous cover ups would have a field day.
Target: Kate Austen
Even though the conclusion of the show would have us believe that everything happened for a reason that was determined by higher powers… I have to believe that in the very least things would have been a lot easier if not for her flip flopping around falling in love with Jack and then Sawyer and then Jack and whatever.
Oh, ok, Jack. Everything’s about you. I also have to think that things would have been easier if Jack didn’t go off galumphing through the forest on a whim every five seconds trying to take charge of everything. And acting like a petulant teenager every time something doesn’t go his way. And never taking responsibility for anything. And never telling anyone anything. I can’t stand this character.
Target: Pretty much every one of them
If you had told me five years ago that I would want to see Eva Longoria brutally assassinated and removed from a tv show I would have slapped you in your face. But I think we all have to agree that we’ve seen enough of this crap at this point.
Target: Kim Bauer
If Jack Bauer really was the military trained, cold blooded pragmatist that he shows he is time and time again in his day-long missions, he would save himself some trouble and kill his daughter. Pretty much every season of this show would be called 20 Minutes if not for Kim constantly messing everything up. Season 2 was the worst when she created an entire disaster out of the kid that she nannies for, calling Jack every ten minutes for help when sorry but he’s trying to save the world from nuclear terrorists! Come on, Kim!
‘Two and a Half Men’
Every episode of this garbage is Alan overacting to the cusp of embarrassment. I guess it’s Ashton Kutcher now and not Charlie Sheen but whoever it is that plays the straight man deserves a medal for putting up with his crap. No wonder Sheen was driven to drink and drugs.
For more on ‘Dexter’, click here.
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